In waiting, I wait

I just wanted to let anyone know who reads this...if anyone still does (I know it's been quite sometime since I've posted) I've decided to switch to blogger. My new site is: http://mytimelessspirit.blogspot.com/

I just felt that vox was a bit messy. It's not as straight-forward as blogger, and the actual blog page is much cleaner. Also anyone who wants to can leave comments, and not just members. Anywho that's all.

I'm not sure of the exact date, I tried to find out when it was by browsing newspaper archives online, looking for that saved program, I even looked at my sophomore yearbook to see if the date was is there. All I really have to go off of is the year, the month, and prom. Sometime around this date marks the fourth year since my grandfather's death. Or more importantly the beginning of Life. I don't know what made me think of it, but on my way home from work today I began to think about my grandfather...and then it hit me that it was around this day, perhaps even this very exact one, that he passed away quietly into the night. It actually happened the night of my sophomore year prom around 1 o'clock or so, hence the yearbook.

A little background about my childhood with my grandfather, and grandmother of course...

Mary and I spent a TON of time over at my grandparents house. They lived a mere five miles away, so my parents were always glad to bring us. One time I stayed at their house so long that when my Dad came and picked me up I wouldn't stop crying, so he spanked me. Te he. We went on extended camping trips together as a family, driving all the way to Montana and Florida. Gramps would make up songs, while twirling us around in the living room. He told crazy stories about weird old Herold going to the moon and buying penny bubble gum with which he could blow humongous bubbles with. We even all had our own indian names. Sadly I can't remember what mine was, we were pretty little when Gramps gave us our names.

 I can't remember exactly when, it was around either late elementary or middle school, that my grandma began notice that Gramps seemed to be growing very absent minded. Forgetting simple things, like where he had placed his glasses or his license.  It would soon become a sad realization that Gramps had Alzheimer's disease. Within a few years he was too difficult to keep at home, so we put him in a home. He actually was bounced from home to home because of my grandma's wonderful love and high standards. After being moved from three home and a temporary stay at a hospice type center after falling, my grandma approached my sister and I. She asked if we would be willing to stay at her house (one every other week) to help with my grandfather. He was much too big of a man to take care of alone. Tall...not fat! He couldn't walk very well, so he needed one person at each arm. Unless of course it was my big strong Dad.

That year and a half/two years or so was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure. I grew up fast, not only because of the responsibility that was felt...but also because this disease takes a toll on your very spirit and adds so much heaviness to those watching, as it takes away from the person being watched right in front of you. I had a lot of bitter moments...I was suppose to be a kid and here I was doing the work of adults. I am so glad I had that time now, and I feel a little bit ashamed. But I am human and I was young then, in mind and spirit. I think it was even harder on my Dad. They were practically best friends I think, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch your father deteriorate.

It was the morning after prom, and Mom had come and gotten me early from my friend's house. I just knew from the minute that she picked me up what had happened. As I walked into the house I was sat down on the couch and my father had something to tell me. I remember wanting so badly to say "I know" so that he wouldn't have to utter those words that would cause him so much pain, but my throat was closed and so all I could do was listen and weep as my father embraced me. I spent that next day in bed, and the following days were difficult and spent fighting back tears. I am so blessed to have so many memories with Gramps.

I am thankful for the legacy of my grandfather, who was truly a wonderful, God loving man. And for the example of love that my grandmother showed through all the good and the bad. I only pray that I can strive to be as strong as her one day.

In a final note I would like to share a little story that my father wrote in memory of my grandfather. It makes me cry every time I read it, so I hope I won't drop too much salt on the keyboard...I've already made my face puffy enough.

In Memory of My Dad

    Growing up there were always those events in your life you somehow never forget. This was one such moment for me. I was the ever inquisitive eleven year old awaiting my first deer hunting adventure out into the great outdoors with Dad. You see he had informed me that if I was quiet and listened to instructions I could tag along behind him.

    That night as I waited, gentle but heavy snowfall enveloped our cabin. The next morning I awoke with great expectation, dressed and departed with my father on my great exploration. The morning air was crisp and calm, my breath hung overhead like a thick haze. The snow that had blown in from the north that night totally enveloped the forest and trees. From where we stood half way up the hill from our cabin we were overwhelmed by the peace and quiet of the moment, but, much more than that, the literal pure essence of white embraced our eyes in every direction. Everything was undisturbed and white, the trees, branches, stems and twigs. Everything but the trail our boots had made in the snow.
   
    It was at that very moment Dad turned and looked me directly in the eyes. I felt a sudden panic, trying to anticipate what hunting anomaly had befallen me. Then he spoke. With a gentle, soft but intense he said, "Just as the pure white snow covers the dead of winter, Christ's pure love covers our death from sin so that we may enjoy His glorious spring." It didn't mean much to me that morning, but I have never forgotten his words. He then turned back around and we continued on out into the woods. I have learned many things from Dad since that day. None of them however, have had such meaning with so few words. And Dad, today enjoy your grand and glorious Spring day!  

So it has been quite a while since I have posted, this is probably due to nothing too exciting going on. But I figured it was about time for an update. Things have been going pretty well at work, my manager has been telling me that I've really improved since my review on the things I need work on: mainly being courageous with my baristas. I'm learning how to be firm, while still being the kind person that I generally am. I haven't really noticed much of a change, but it's nice to hear that I have...I still have quite a bit to learn though. I'll get there.

PJ is still searching for a job. He would really like to get into ministry, and I think that may be one of the reasons he is still not working. There have been a couple of interviews, but they are on the interviewer's time. He had one scheduled for last week, but they rescheduled it for this week on Wednesday. So we are just being patient, and praying that if this is where he is suppose to be that the meeting will go well. If it's not meant to be another door will open.

School has been going fairly well. I think that it was really good for me to take time off because I now have an actual desire for school and find enjoyment in it. Of course I think that taking only two classes right now is perfect, otherwise I would be overwhelmed and begin to hate it again. I have been doing great on my grades also, which is really cool. Soon I'll need to see where I'm at and where I may be going with it, but all in good time. I will probably be doing school for quite a while as I'm doing only a few classes at a time, but it would be too much for me to do more working almost full time. But that's ok with me.

On a fun note PJ and I, well mostly PJ, rearranged our apartment. It almost feels like a new place. Sort of. It's really helped to actually open it up. I'll have to post a few pictures laster. I won't now cause it's a little bit messy. he he. I actually like spending time in the bedroom, it's so much more cozy and open. Love it.

Other than that I've just been spending time doing little projects here and there that I've put off, or that I've just never had the time to do. Well, I guess that's all for now. Ciao.

Peace and Love.

So things are going pretty good. Not too much new going on. PJ is still jobless, but has an interview on Monday with Corazon ministries. I'm really hoping that it goes well, it sounds like it would be a great experience for him. Next week Saturday my sister and grandmother will be flying out, Mary is staying the week over her spring break and my grandma is visiting here for a couple of days and then will be going up to Scottsdale to visit some other friends.

Today PJ and I are going to Ramero Pools (I think that's what he said the name of them was). We are going to do a little hiking and are bringing lunches with. I'm looking forward to being outside in this absolutely gorgeous weather! Well, that's all for now...I need to e-mail my last bit of homework for this week and get ready!

Peace and love.

The start of this week has been just one big bad omen. I am hoping that I am disproved though. Yesterday I had an off day...I didn't have to work at all, but yet I felt drained of life. It was hard to get out of bed, and when I did it was just one disappointment after another. I went grocery shopping, which is always depressing because of how much it costs every time...even though you just went the week before! Then I went and picked up my prescription and blew all of my tip money on that. God never need fear that I have a love of money...cause I don't!!!! Tis mine enemy!!!! It's not that we don't have the money. It's just that when you're trying to save it's hard to want to spend any money. Anyways, then I got home and tried to make granola, but accidentally exploded a glass dish. It was a big mess that took at least an hour to clean. Then I had to make dinner and clean the kitchen and blah blah blah.

Day two of my nightmare: I slept horribly. I woke up at 2:30, feeling sick and then battled sleep for at least the next hour if not longer.  I had to be up at six to be at work for seven. I got to work and I kept spilling things and knocking into people and knocking things over. The worst thing was that I accidentally knocked a drink over the bar. I've only ever done that once before, a very long time ago. Thank goodness it was an iced drink and that the guy was paying attention and jumped out of the way. At first he seemed pretty upset and I was almost ready to have a breakdown, but thank god he saw that I was very apologetic and sincere and he was very nice about it. He said, "If I had a nickel for every time that I did shit like that I'd be rich." I could only say thanks and tell him that it's been that kind of a day.

The one really great thing that happened today was that I got to talk to my friend Kim that I haven't gotten to talk to for a long time!

Uggh...too tired to go on. Must crash.

Well, overall it was a very nice day! I got my wonderful poetry books the night before, then I got the flowers and notes the following morning. Then PJ, while he was bored at work (but it's none the less touching), wrote down a list of 100 things he loves about me. My favorite was that I got him Wired magazine (his Valentines present). I also received a touching e-mail from my daddy...right now he is writing a song for me, so he shared a few lines with me. It made me cry a little. Here is a tid bit I will share with you:

“Memories Old & New”

It seems like only yesterday I held you in my arms

It seems like many years ago I felt your girlish charms

But so many, many memories have slipped away from me

I still have a few of them and I hold them close to me

That's my daddy'o!!!!

Then, last night for dinner, we went to the Bamboo Club. It is sort of like Chinese bistro...and it was SO good! I've never had better crab wontons in my life!!!! They had a bit of chili in the wraps themselves, which had a nice kick, and then they had this sweet strawberry sauce to dip them in. My mouth is watering just thinking about them!  For the main course PJ had a NY strip with sauteed garlic and onion, very tasty, and I ordered honey sesame chicken. Very tasty. To finish off the night we had a dessert called drunken monkey. It was a piece of NY cheesecake served with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and a topping of bananas soaked in brown sugar and then doused with some kind of liquor and flambéed table side. We were very disappointed when our flame didn't go as high as the table's behind us did...but none the less, it was still awesome.

We then came home and had some alone time. No need to go into details. I'm sure several reading are going ew from that tid bit. And then played a little halo, and then went to bed. Great day. Here are a few more pictures from it.

My husband never ceases to amaze me by how romantic he can be! Last night I was given two books of love poetry, which I look forward to reading...perhaps even sharing some of them together tonight! The next morning, after a night of feeling ill and waking up extremely late, I walked into the dining room only to find a beautiful boquet of red roses and a trail of sticky notes. There was a trail of six pairs of one written by PJ and the other from a booklet of sticky love notes that we received at our wedding. The personal notes are private, but here's an overall look at them ;)

The one in the middle reads: Whatever else I may be doing today, I'll be loving you. Here's a little tidbit of one note: If I ever stop loving you that will be the day I stop loving. You are my everything. *sigh* That's right girls...he's all mine.

Anyways...tonight we are going to the Bamboo Club so I need to go and get ready now!!

So right now I am watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and longing for a house. I watch this show almost every Sunday and see all the awesome things that they create, and I just store them away for the day that we can have our own place. I love matching colors and seeing the awesome angles that can be brought to a room...it all excites me so much. One day...hopefully.

But on a different note that is SO SAD is that the episode I just watched was about an eight year old who was battling cancer for the second time at the filming of this episode. At the end they had a clip that said that she died that December after the episode was shot. Life is so short and so precious. We must enjoy and appreciate every moment God gives us.

So nothing very exciting is going on right now. Work had been going well. I was a little worried about the whole new management thing, but it seems to be going very well. I think it will actually be better for our store in the long run. I don't completely agree with how they treated one of our formers shift supervisors when she decided to get another job, but the rest has been going very well. I guess I will just need to be very sensitive when I'm around them and keep my guard up at all times. We will soon be getting a warming oven at work and the breakfast sandwiches. I'm excited at the thought of it bringing in more customers, but also sad that Starbucks has begun to turn into a food industry and is no longer focusing on great coffee. Of course it still is great coffee, but it really takes the focus off of it. I also think that by creating drive-thru Starbucks it has completely gotten rid of the third place environment for many stores, such as the one that I work at. Oh well, have to bring the company back up in it's money making I guess. And so America goes.

I just began school last week, living with art 105 and US history 2. They seem like they will be fairly enjoyable classes and not too hard to stay focused and interested in. Although I am not really sure about my history class yet as the teacher has yet to even put the page up! So either he is a major slacker, he is hurt or sick or something and no one told the students, or maybe he is even still on vacation. One of my other teachers did that last time I did classes on line, but he posted that he would be and when he was going to be back. So I am very skeptical about this guy.

This weekend was very nice. I actually had all of it off even though I hadn't asked for it, which was a nice surprise. On Friday night PJ and I hung out with friends, Saturday Stacy and I went out to lunch and saw 27 Dresses at the theater...it was very cute! And then Saturday night PJ and I got Pizza Hut and played Viva Pinata on the x-box. PJ has become obsessed with it. And then on Sunday I was a total bum...took a bath, cleaned the kitchen, made a box cake...and that was only about 25% of my day. The rest of it was either spent sleeping in late or sitting on the couch watching PBS or PJ play MORE Viva Pinata. Anyways, perhaps I shall finish the night off with something productive such as reading. Maybe.

So the family was her e just last week...it feels like it was much longer ago. It was so nice to see them. The last I saw them before their visit was the end of July. We had a nice time just hanging out. We did a little bit of sightseeing here in Tucson, which was fun since I myself haven't done much of that. We went to the PIMA air and space museum...there were so many planes! They said that it was the third largest in the world! We also visited Sabino canyon, which was absolutely beautiful. There was quite a bit of water running because of all the snow melt off of Mt. Lemon. Anyways...it was a nice visit and I look forward to seeing Mary in March over her spring break and the rest of the family again in June when we go to celebrate Victoria's wedding!